Spare us a crust……

by - 15:29 on 09 March 2007

Picture the scene. It’s a brain-storming meeting at a global brand bread-manufacturing company. (Wouldn’t it be simpler to say baker?) As usual the yeast executives had got there first as they always rise early, but it was wholemeal development officer who stood up and said ‘I’ve got it. I know how to make our processed-to-death bread more attractive. Invisible crusts. It’s a great idea.’

Everyone became very enthusiastic and so it came to pass. Wonder down the aisle with your trolley today, past all the ranks of chewy, gluey, industrial- strength loaves and, sure enough, you’ll find a wrapped loaf proudly displaying the legend ‘Invisible Crust’. Honest. Presumably this to pander to children who collectively seem to be unable to eat crusts. So we bought it for the packed lunches

Extra Mile, eh? Well, no. And here’s why. We happen to own a very rare species of dog, called a toast-hound (Canis panes var. niger), though when we rescued him he was a lab-collie cross. No, that’s not even true. He was a cut-and-shut Labrador, that is, he’d had the back end of a collie welded on to the front end of a lab. But no matter. Behaviourally speaking, he is, we have since discovered, a pure-bread toast-hound.

So, now, when we fling him the breakfast toast crust that he thinks is his birthright, the silly creature can’t see it. Normally, he has the unerring catching skills of an Australian cricket fielder but unless he hears it bounce off the floor this new-fangled bread is hopeless for him. We’ve had to butter the crust so he can detect it when we throw it to him. This won't do. I’ll be bringing the matter up with the manufacturer.

 

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